


The more you know

by Hellosunshinemyoldfriend



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Diego Hargreeves is a Good Brother, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ick, Mentions of Blood, No Incest, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Trigger warning mentions of sucide, hate that thats a tag i have to use, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellosunshinemyoldfriend/pseuds/Hellosunshinemyoldfriend
Summary: On the walk from the infinite switchboard to meet up with the rest of La Résistance, Herb and Diego talk, and Diego hears a story about one of Five's lowest moments during the apocalypse - The moment he considered ending it all.Diego just wants to get back to the 60's and give his stubborn little (older?) brother a hug.
Comments: 30
Kudos: 306





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this https://matuk-art.tumblr.com/post/635446452674543616/christmas art. I saw it and HAD to write something. 
> 
> Trigger warning for mentions of the contemplation of suicide and talk of blood.
> 
> This was one of those oh! inspiration strikes and you write and post without editing because I only ever get inspired to write late at night and I got work in the morning so any typos or bad punctuation are future me's problem.
> 
> Without further adieu, please enjoy and definitely check out the artists work! It left me speechless! 
> 
> _________________________________________________________________________________________

It started out as an innocent off handed comment as Herb lead Diego swiftly through the commissions many winding stairs, and long echo-y hallways.  
  
‘Can we pick up the pace?’ Diego snapped as Herb paused at yet another doorway, looking left and right before waving Diego on.  
  
‘We cannot get caught. I can’t stress that enough. The handler would…’ He trailed off with an audible gulp.  
  
‘Well, I’m not sure what she’d do but I know it won’t be pretty.’  
  
‘I’m not worried about the handler.’ Diego insisted, grunting in displeasure as Herb pulled him into an empty room at the distant sound of footsteps.  
  
‘I’m worried about my family. If I don’t get back to 1963 soon the world will end with my brothers and sisters stuck there, clueless of how to stop it.’  
  
He rolled his eyes as Herb once again signaled that it was safe to carry on. Diego followed after him impatiently. Silence stretched out for another couple of sudden turns, and a brief scare where Herb jumped and gasped at his own shadow.  
  
‘I know it’s not ideal but I wouldn’t worry too much. Number Five is very resourceful. I’m sure he’ll manage things until we can get back.’  
  
There was something off about Herb’s words, or maybe it was his easy, confident tone. Whatever it was it made something in the back of Diego’s mind prickle. He stopped suddenly, reaching out to pull Herb to a stop as well.  
  
‘How do you know?’ He asked suspiciously.  
  
‘Mr Hargreeves please, we really don’t have time for this.’ Herb practically begged, his eyes frantically scanning the empty hallway they were standing in.  
  
‘How do you know Five is resourceful? I know he worked here but he said he was an assassin. I wouldn’t have thought that was your….area of expertise Herb.’  
  
‘Oh goodness no.’ Herb said sounding flustered. ‘I’m more of a behind the scenes man myself. Now if we could get going-’  
  
‘Nuh-uh.’ Diego stubbornly stood his ground. ‘Not until you tell me what you know about my brother.’  
  
Herb fiddled with his glasses anxiously.  
  
‘Okay, okay. I’ll tell you, but for the love of all things good and holy, can we _please_ keep going?’  
  
Diego stared Herb down for a moment.  
  
‘Alright.’ He conceded. ‘I’ll walk. You talk.’  
  
‘ _Thank you.’_ Herb sighed before turning and hurrying down the hall. Diego had to take several large steps to catch up with him.  
  
‘So my brother?’ He prompted.  
  
‘Yes. Well, as I’m sure you’re aware when Number Five was thirteen years old he timed traveled-‘  
  
‘To the future. Yeah I know.’  
  
‘Right and I’m sure you also know that he got stuck. He popped up on our radar immediately. It was phenomenal. We had never seen anything like it, like _him_.  
  
They took a sharp left turn. ‘Nearly there now, just a few more minutes.’  
  
  


‘So you just watched Five? You didn’t even try to help him?’  
  
‘Well…’ Herb said sounding nervous. ‘Some of us wanted to. He was such a little thing back then, so young and scared and alone…’  
  
Diego tried to image how it would feel. To in a second not only lose your entire family, but your entire world.  
  
‘But ah, the bosses they had a plan for him you know? We’re talking way high up and you don’t mess with those people.’  
  
‘A plan?’  
  
‘Yes. A plan.’  
  
‘Herb.’ Diego bit out. His voice low and dangerous, demanding Herb continue.  
  
‘They wanted to wear him down.’ Herb sighed. ‘The longer they left him in the apocalypse the more appealing the offer of joining the commission would be.’  
  
He paused and glanced back at Diego, quickly turning away and at the thunderous look on his face.  
  
‘So they watched and waited. Until the handler thought he was ready.’  
  
‘And no one even tried to help him? He was just a little kid.’  
  
Herb actually stopped and turned to look at Diego. ‘It wasn’t that we didn’t want to help him. We _couldn’t.’  
  
**‘Bullshit.’**_ Diego spat furiously. ‘Bullshit!’  
  
‘Shhh!’  
  
‘He was just a kid. He could have _died_ out there!’  
  
‘That’s why we monitored him.’ Herb said weakly.  
  
‘So what he was like a little game to you people.’  
  
‘No-‘  
  
‘Herb I swear to God.’  
  
‘Quiet.’ Herb whispered freezing suddenly. ‘Shoot. Quickly in here.’ He beckoned Diego into another door and this time he found himself squished up beside and mop and bucket.  
  
‘It wasn’t a game. It was just the way things were. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, but I’m trying to help him now. Trying to help all of you.’  
  
Diego mulled over his words for a moment before nodding lightly. ‘I guess.’  
  
They stood in the closet for another long minute before Herb decided it was safe to continue. They crept out of the closet and hurried down the hall.  
  
‘It’s just another corridor over.’ Herb whispered.  
  
‘Hey Herb.’ Diego whispered. ‘How was it for him? Really?’  
  
Herb didn’t look back but Diego could see the smaller man’s shoulders tense up beneath his suit jacket.  
  
‘It wasn’t good.’ He admitted so softly that Diego had to strain to hear it. ‘But he was brave, even right at the start. And smart. So smart. Grown men and woman would have succumbed to it after mere weeks, but he survived for forty-five years.’  
  
‘Wow.’ Diego breathed out softly.  
  
  
‘Yeah.’ Herb said distractedly. ‘In all that time we only ever saw him waver once. Had the whole commission on tender hooks.’  
  
  
Something in his tone made alarm bells ring throughout Diego’s mind.  
  
  
‘Wavered?’  
  
  


‘Oh Dear.’ Herb muttered to himself softly.  
  
It was clear that he had accidentally revealed more than he had intended to.  
  
‘ **Wavered?’** Diego asked again, more firmly.  
  
‘Are you sure you want to know?’  
Something in Herbs tone made Diego hesitate. Did he really want to know? What good would it do now? And surely Five would be mortified at the idea of this stranger sharing one of his darkest moments, but still another part of Diego knew he _needed_ to know.  
  
If they somehow managed to survive the shit show that was waiting for him back in the 60’s Diego wanted to know how to help his brother, and how could he help if he had no idea what Five had been through.  
  
‘Tell me.’  
  
Herb sighed, and continued walking down the hallway but after a few steps he began to speak.  
  
‘It was the middle of winter, only a couple of years in. He would have been about sixteen. He had been doing well so far, but all the nearby supplies were starting to dwindle and so he went scouting for more.’ He paused to take a breath and quickly glance back at Diego.  
  
‘There was a department store on the edge of the city and I suppose he thought it looked like a good source of supplies. Inside it there was a little collectibles store, you know comic books and action figures?’  
  
‘Mmhmm,’  
  
‘Well this particular store had a whole wall dedicated to The Umbrella Academy collectibles.’  
  
‘…Oh…’  
  
‘It…It broke him. For the first time since the day he landed in the apocalypse, he lost hope. He sat on the floor and didn’t move for almost an entire day.’  
  
‘Shit.’ Diego swore roughly.  
  
‘Then he…well…He went a little bit mad. Just started smashing up the place, throwing things. It ended when he punch a framed photograph of all of you. Cut his knuckles up pretty bad.’  
  
Diego felt a sinking feeling his stomach, he had a terrible idea of where the story was going.  
  
‘It was like the sight of his blood flicked a switch in his mind. He saw a way out.’  
  
Herb lead Diego down some stairs. ‘Well here we are, it’s just down there.’ He said pointing at an innocent looking brown door at the end of the hall.  
  
‘No. Not yet. Finish the story.’  
  
‘Diego please-‘  
‘No. Finish. The. Story.’  
  
Herb sighed resignedly. ‘He picked up one of the larger shards of broken glass and held it to his wrist, and…and he started talking. To you, to all of you. Your pictures.’  
  
Diego crossed his arms to try and hide his shaking hands. ‘Oh?’  
  
‘For hours and hours. He had full conversations with each of you. About how tired he was, and how much he missed you. How sorry he was for leaving.’  
  
Diego roughly blinked back tears.  
  
‘We were all on red alert. Dozens of us crowded into the switchboard room. I thought he was going to do it. I really did.’ Herb trailed off for a moment before shaking his head lightly.  
  
‘The handler told us not to intervene. She knew he wouldn’t do it. That he couldn’t do it. He had too much to live for.’  
  
  
Diego couldn’t hold back his scoff at that.  
  
  
‘Too much to live for? What did he possibly have to live for?’  
  
  
Herb turned to look at Diego, shock written clear across his face. The man seemed bewildered at Diego’s cluelessness.  
  
  
‘You. Your siblings. Your family. The handler knew he loved you all too much. He had to live, because he had to save you.’  
  
  
Diego stood there for a second letting Herbs words wash over him. There was so much they didn’t know about Five. About what he had been through.  
  
Guilt nipped at him. He knew none of them had made things any easier for Five since his return.   
  
‘Are you ready?’ Herb asked, jolting Diego out of his thoughts.

  
‘Yeah. Let’s get back to 1963.’

  
He thought of Five, lost, alone and hurting. Of the rest of their siblings who had been stranded for months, and years in the past.  
He thought of the world. About to end, again.  
  
Not on his watch though. He had a world to save, siblings to save, and a brother that was really overdue for a hug.  
  
  
‘We’ve got work to do.’  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The words we leave unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh whats this? A part 2 with Five and Diego having a little chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I wrote a little part 2 because Number Five deserves a hug and dammit I had to make sure he got it 
> 
> Also big thank you for all the love of the first chapter. I really appreciate all the feedback and kind words <3  
> ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Landing back in 1963 with a flash of blue Diego had no choice but to hit the ground running.  
  
Life on earth literally depended on him and his siblings and he knew that needed his full attention.  
  
 ** _Somehow_** they actually managed to pull it off.  
  
Vanya was saved, and thus so was the world.  
  
Of course he didn’t manage to save Kennedy. And the 1963 version of his father was just as much of a bastard as the Reginald Hargreeves that Diego had known. Oh and now they were all wanted criminals – The assumed organisers of Kennedy’s assassination and of course the suspected kidnappers of a young boy.  
  
The young boy being his fifty-eight year old brother. Who to be fair, did _look_ like a little thirteen year old.  
  
If he was being honest with himself, Diego was struggling to not see at least a little bit of that lost little thirteen year old kid when he looked at Five.  
  
How could he not? Knowing what he knew now about one of Fives lowest moments while stuck in the apocalypse.  
  
But how do you even begin to approach that subject? Even with someone who isn’t secretive and stubborn.  
  
The last thing Diego wanted to do was make Five feel weak or ashamed. Not just because Diego didn’t want to come across as an ass, but more than anything Diego didn’t want to be just another person who let his brother down.  
  
Five had been through hell, and Diego didn’t even know the half of it.  
  
How do you even begin to say thank you to someone who has spent literal decades fighting to make it home to their family. To save the only people in the entire world they cared about.  
  
It wasn’t until after shit had hit the fan for the second time, the fight with Lila and the Handler, their confrontation with Lila in the barn. The weird Swedish dude who took care of the Handler problem for them, and of course Vanya’s girlfriend and her son (who Vanya accidentally gave powers to and then had to take away – Diego still wasn’t 100% sure on the details there and frankly he didn’t want to know. There is only so much a man can take.)  
  
But then, after all the madness there was their reprieve. A moment of peace and quiet after all the crazy.  
  
Well not _quiet_ , because Klaus didn’t know the meaning of the word, and it wasn’t particularly _peaceful_ either because even though they had won, several of his siblings were still mournful of the lives (and people) they now had to leave behind.  
  
It was during this lull of activity that Diego finally managed to take a moment to seek out Five.  
  
It took him awhile to find his oldest/youngest brother. He hadn’t been with the others in what was left in the farmhouse. Instead when Diego finally found him, Five was standing in the doorway of the barn, rubbing at his chest absentmindedly and looking out of sorts.  
  
‘You okay?’ He asked trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
Five flinched as though Diego had startled him out of a deep thought, and turned to glare at him lazily.

‘Fine.’ He snapped. Avoiding eye contact.  
  
Tentatively, Diego stepped closer. ‘Five.’ He said gently. ‘Talk to me man.’  
  
Five scoffed and kicked at the melting snow on the ground irritably. ‘About what Diego?’ He said condescendingly.  
  
‘Anything, everything. I don’t care. What’s going on in the mind of yours bro?’  
  
At that Five slowly turned to face Diego. An understanding look stretched across his young face and he grimaced ever so slightly.  
  
‘What do you know?’  
  
‘What do you mean?’ Even to his own ears Diego’s words sounded forcefully cheery, false.  
  
‘Come off it Diego, you’ve always been a terrible liar.’ Five sighed, and Diego couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked. More than just tired. He looked utterly exhausted, like he hadn’t so much as rested in weeks. It made Diego’s stomach churn uncomfortably. How much more was there that he had overlooked?  
  
Five was looking at him expectantly, that annoying knowing eyebrow quirked in question.  
  
Diego weighed up his options in his mind. Did he tell Five what he knew about his time in the apocalypse and risk his wrath? Would he even be wrathful? Or would it be a relief to share even a tiny piece of his time with his brother?  
  
He didn’t want to hurt Five, but surely letting him go on suffering silently was hurting him just as much as him knowing Diego knew about his moment of….weakness. But then weakness didn’t feel like the right word, as much as Diego knew that was probably how Five felt about it.  
  
Weak was the last word Diego would use to describe Five. And knowing what he knew about Fives brief hesitation to go on living…It didn’t change his opinion of his brother at all.  
  
Five kept going when literally the entire world was falling down around him, and he did it for his family. In Diego’s book, that just made him brave, but how to say that to the emotionally constipated man in front of him.  
  
‘You know we love you, right?’ He almost flinched at his own words. He wasn’t sure what he was planning on saying, but it definitely wasn’t that.  
  
Five flinched at the words too, but worryingly, he didn’t respond to them.  
  
‘Five?’  
  
‘What. Do. You. Know?’ His voice wavered, and Diego could hear the sound of the wall around Fives defenses being built back up. He had to do this quickly before Five completely shut himself off. There was no time to tip-toe around the subject any longer.  
  
‘The apocalypse.’  
  
‘What about it?’ Five’s shoulders hunched defensively, and the air around them seemed to crackle. _  
  
Shit,_ Diego thought to himself. _He’s getting ready to run._  
  
‘It..It..’ He paused, trying to gather his thoughts.  
  
 _Remember Diego, picture the word in your mind.  
  
_ ‘It must have been really…’  
  
Hard? Lonely? Shitty? What did he say? what one word summed it all up.  
  
‘…Quiet.’  
  
Five’s shoulders slummed back down. ‘Yeah.’ He said softly. ‘It was.’

  
‘I’m sorry that happened to you. I wish at least one of us…’  
  
Again he winced at his poor choice of words. What was he going to say? I wish one of us had survived. What a dumb thing to say, but there was Five watching him expectantly, he had to say something.  
  
‘I’m just...I'm sorry you were alone.’  
  
Five opened his mouth, and Diego expected to hear about how Five wasn’t alone, because of course - he’d had his mannequin.  
  
‘Yeah.’ Five agreed so softly that Diego had to strain his ears to hear it. ‘Me too.’  
  
Diego paused, unsure of what to say, but he didn’t have time to worry about it. Before he could panic about what words would fall out of his mouth next, Five took a breath and went on talking.  
  
‘So you know about the comic book store…incident huh?’ He looked embarrassed and ashamed.  
  
That was the last thing Diego wanted. The last thing he intended when he started this train wreck of a conversation.  
  
‘It might have been briefly mentioned.’ He said stiffly as he took a cautious step towards Five.  
  
‘It was a low point.’ Five said eyeing Diego carefully but not making any effort to move back from him, which Diego found encouraging enough to take another small step towards his brother.  
  
‘But I was young. I learnt to…deal with it. I got tougher.’  
  
Another step, and Five’s breathing became a little faster.  
  
‘I had to.’  
  
Another step. Both of them trying and failing to hide their shaking hands.  
  
‘I **_had_** to survive.’  
  
Another step, and now Diego was in front of Five. Glassy eyes met glassy eyes.  
  
‘For our family.’  
  
One last step and Diego was pulling his brother into his arms. Happily surprised to feel Fives arms wrap around him tightly as he returned the hug.  
  
‘I know.’ Diego whispered into Fives dark hair as he crushed the boy tightly to his chest. ‘You did so well.’ A muffled sniffle was his only response.  
  
‘Thank you.’  
  
He pulled the shaking boy even closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, and in that so much passed between the brothers unsaid.  
  


_I’m sorry for what happened to you.  
  
I’m sorry for leaving._

_  
  
Thank you for fighting for us.  
  
Thank you for fighting with me._

_  
  
I love you.  
  
I love you.  
  
  
  
_After all sometimes, its the words you leave unsaid, that mean the most.

  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it! I hope that was a nice little ending for a sad little story - Thanks for reading!!


End file.
